The Joys of Soup
by BowtieJunkie
Summary: A two-shot about the crazy shenanigans the boys get into while the girls have a girls night out. What happens when we add caffeine to the mix? A mess that might take all day to clean up. Crack fic - Be warned. Season One. Co-written with Penny Tortoiseshell.


**This is a crack fic! Please be warned. I know, I know. This is nothing like my usual doom and gloom stuff, and there is a good reason. The Joys of Soup was a jokingly written collaboration between Penny Tortoishell and me. It was supposed to be a one-shot, posted on Valentine's day last year... You can see how well that worked out. **

**I'm not entirely sure what we were on when we wrote this, but its probably more fun writing than reading.**

**Ha.**

**Ha.**

**Disclaimer: Young Justice doesn't belong to me or Penny. I promise. Or else one of the episodes might have turned out like this**

* * *

"Bye guys," M'gann said as they were walking towards the zeta tubes. Artemis and Zatanna were close behind.

"I swear Baywatch," Artemis said, glaring at Wally. "If you so much as look at my room, you're dead."

Wally put up his hands. "Alright, alright, Blondie... Why would I want to look at your stupid stuff anyways?" Robin laughed in reply and elbowed the speedster. "Ow," Wally said, jerking away from Robin. Zatanna rolled her eyes and pretended to ignore the exchange.

"Have fun while we're gone," M'gann said as she stepped through the zeta.

"We will," said Aqualad.

The girls emerged in an alley of New York. Artemis smiled. "Finally got away from those losers... So, where to first?"

"Well," said M'gann. "We could go to..." She stopped suddenly and then did a facepalm. "My cookies! I left them out, back in the cave."

Zatanna laughed and said, "I wouldn't be surprised if they're gone by the time we get back."

"But that was supposed to be for the Valentine's party at school tomorrow," M'gann said, glancing back at the zeta tube entrance, a worried look on her face.

Artemis frowned. "How many people are in your class?"

"At least thirty, counting Conner and me," said M'gann, still looking nervously back at where they came.

"And you made enough cookies for everyone?" Zatanna asked.

"Yes, enough for everyone to have four... And I left them out to cool." The girls exchanged worried looks. "You don't think the guys would eat them all, do you?" M'gann said.

Artemis shrugged. "They might not be the smartest guys I know, but they couldn't possibly eat all of the cookies. I think they're fine."

SOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPURMOMSOU PSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUP

"What the heck, man! Batman is gonna kill you!"

Wally smiled sheepishly. "Well, at least nothing important is broken."

"Dude, you broke the heater... in February!" Robin yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. Wally looked back at the smoking heater.

"Its not that bad..." Right as he said that, the heater exploded. "Okay. Maybe it's a bit worse than I thought."

"Ya think?" Robin said, smacking him on the back of the head.

"Why the hell is it so cold?" asked Conner, causing Wally to jump into Robin's arms. Robin frowned and dropped the speedster. "I swear, Kaldur's turned into a giant ice cube!" Conner was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

Kaldur walked in less than a moment later. "It is true."

Robin pushed Wally in front of him. "Thank him. Kid Brain here tried to vibrate his molecules through the heater, but just ran into it instead."

"Did not... I was merely saying hello to the heater with my face," said Wally, crossing his arms with a frown. Robin laughed and Wally appeared to be thinking. "You know what would make this better?"

"Coffee!" Robin finished Wally's sentence.

"Decaf," Kaldur said, almost immediately and Conner nodded quickly. Neither of them wanted to see the younger boys of the team hyped up on caffeine.

"Yeah," Robin said, "You're right... I can't have caffeine."

"Well then," said Kaldur, trying to make the best of their predicament. "I will be back with four decaffeinated coffees.

SOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPRESISTAN CEFERBSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUP

"Alright friends," Kaldur said, reentering the cave. "I have the coffee." He set the coffee down on the kitchen table, and entered the kitchen. There he saw Robin stirring something and Conner intently watching. "What are you doing?"

"Making soup," replied Robin. "Can you believe Conner's never even heard of soup?"

Conner fist pumped the air. "Soup!"

Kaldur shook his head. "The coffee is on the table." He turned to leave but stopped. "Where is the Wally?" Robin shrugged, and then pointed as Wally ran up.

"You guys will never guess what I found! There's this huge, and I mean HUGE, batch of cookies sitting out to cool in M'gann's room," said the redhead.

"You were in M'gann's room?" asked Kaldur.

"Uh," he stumbled, unsure what to say. "I smelled food? Oh look, coffee!" The speedster grabbed one of the cups, a grin spreading across his face, and gulped down a large amount of the coffee. "Perfect!" Kaldur shook his head for the second time since he got back and walked away, leaving the odd bunch of teenage superheroes to themselves.

He stopped by his room and emptied his pockets of the receipt and some spare change. Something caught the corner of his eye. Kaldur turned his head and unfolded the crumpled receipt from the coffee shop. The order for the coffees was wrong. The lady at the coffeeshop had given him four regular coffees with added shots of expresso. She had mixed up orders. He stood up quickly. The other guys were hyper and destructive enough, but with caffeine... Kaldur shuddered at the thought. He didn't have much time to think however, because he was hit very hard in the back of the head. Kaldur's world turned dark and he fell over on his bed.

SOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPURMOMSOU PSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUP

"Is he dead yet?" That was the first thing Kaldur heard when he came too.

He felt a jab in his side and let out an involuntary grunt. "Nope, not yet," another voice answered. He opened his eyes and found himself staring into Robin's face. The Boy Wonder was upside down, hanging from the ceiling. He put a finger to his mouth and made a shushing sound. "We're hiding from Superboy."

"You guys know I have super hearing, right?" Conner yelled, rushing into the room.

"Crap! Run away," Wally said from a corner of the room, disappearing with Robin as Conner reached Kaldur.

Conner stopped and smiled at Kaldur. "You're still alive! Want some soup? I made you soup." He thrust a bowl of steaming liquid into Kaldur's face. The Atlantean attempted to jerk away as the soup splashed in his face, but realized that he was tied up. "Whoops... Sorry," Conner said, realizing that he had poured the entire contents of the bowl into Kaldur's face. "I'll go get some more." He ran off, waving the bowl in the air, yelling, "SOUP!"

Kaldur coughed and jerked against his bounds. "What the heck is going on here?!"

Just then, he heard voices from the hall and turned his head to look. From the hallway, Wally was pushing Robin on one of the many rolling chairs. Robin was laughing uncontrollably and Wally was yelling "For Sparta!" as loud as he could. "Faster Wally, faster," yelled the Boy Wonder as they zoomed through the room and towards the kitchen.

There was a large crash from the kitchen and a loud exclamation of "My soup!" Kaldur frowned as he heard a series of crashes and bangs, and then the familiar sound of the rolling chair speeding down the hall. This time they were heading back from where they came, Robin still laughing, Wally still yelling - although this time"Retreat!" - Conner in tow. Robin and Wally had pots on their heads and Robin was waving some spoons, one of which he threw back at Connor.

It hit Connor square in the face and he stopped abruptly. "That shit actually hurt..." Kaldur was surprised. Conner hardly ever cussed, but it seemed like he had been doing it a lot that day.

By then, Wally had managed to turn the chair around with minimal damage to his surroundings and the occupant of the chair, and wheeled him forward for another attack. Wally was singing the Superman theme and Robin pretended he was flying and said, "Here I come to save the day! I'm Superman!" Conner, who had already been frustrated enough to begin with, let out a feral sort of growl as the teens approached him. Wally began pushing Robin in dizzying circles around the clone.

"Superman's such a great guy," said Wally.

"Yeah," Robin said, a laugh escaping from his mouth. "He's a great pal!"

"He's like my second dad!"

"Assholes," Conner muttered. "No soup for either of you." He walked toward the kitchen, pushing through the boys as he stormed away.

Robin and Wally landed on the floor, laughing as hard as they could. They were, for lack of a better description, in hysterics. Kaldur could have sworn the Joker had been through, the way they were acting, but he knew better. It was the caffeine... And knowing Wally, he had led Conner and Robin to M'gann's giant cookie batch. He wondered how many the guys had eaten.

"Hey," Wally said, stopping his laughing and sitting up from the floor. "Is Kaldur dead yet?"

Fighting off spurts of giggles, Robin pushed himself from the ground a ran over to Kaldur, grabbing his arm and pinching it as hard as he could. Kaldur flinched and began to loose his calm. "Let me go! What do you think you are doing?" Robin only laughed in reply and jumped back into his rolling chair. "What is wrong with you?"

The raven-haired boy peeked over the chair. "Coffee is good... I like coffee..." He giggled and Wally snorted. "Did you know that I'm ADHD?"

"That explains it," said Kaldur.

"Well," said Wally. "I've had a lot of fun talking to you..." Kaldur realized that Wally had very nearly materialized next to him. "But I think it is time..." He paused for dramatic affect.

"For soup?" Superboy asked, having reentered the room.

"No, stupid... For Kaldur to die!" Wally laughed evilly.

"What?!" Kaldur asked.

Robin shook his head. "No Wally. We aren't supposed to kill him. We're supposed to do this." He hit Kaldur in the back of the head. As he was fading out of consciousness he heard Conner saying, "Can we use him in my soup?"

SOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPURMOMSOU PSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUPSOUP

"That was awesome... I never knew Earth shopping could be so fun," said M'gann, struggling to hold many bags filled with the goods of the day.

"Yeah, I actually enjoyed it," said Artemis. "Especially lunch. That soup was particularly good."

Zatanna nodded. "I agree." They turned down the alley and walked towards the zeta tube entrance. "I wonder what the boys have been doing while we were gone."

"Whatever it is," said Artemis. "I bet it was stupid."

"I just hope they didn't eat my cookies," said M'gann.

They stepped through zeta tube and the computer announced their arrival. What they arrived to was a dark and demolished place, nothing like what they had left. "Oh my god," Artemis whispered. "Were we attacked again?"

M'gann shook her head, beginning to be emotional. "What if Conner is hurt?"

Zatanna frowned and shot M'gann a glance. "Is that all you care about... What about the others?"

"I don't care what happened to Wally," said Artemis, crossing her arms.

"Zee!" came a shrill voice from the rafters. The girls hardly had time to look before they found a red and black blur shooting through the air and landing on top of Zatanna, causing her to fall over. "I love you, Zee. Thought you might want to know." Before the confused girl could realize what was happening, Robin had disappeared again.

"What the-" Zatanna's words were cut off by a scream as Artemis was plowed into by an out of control redhead.

"Watch it, Arty," Wally yelled. He was riding the rolling chair this time, and propelling himself with one of his legs. "I'm leading an attack on Superboy's Fortress of Soup!"

"Fortress of Soup?" asked Artemis.

"Yeah," said Wally, practically jumping up and down. "Wanna help?"

"Uh, no... I'll pass."

The redhead shrugged. "Your loss. Hey Robin, you wanna help?"

Robin's head popped down between the rafters. "Nah, I'm allergic."

"Oh... Okay," said Wally.

Zatanna looked around at the damage and realized one person who had not yet been even mentioned. "What about Kaldur? Where is he?" Robin disappeared almost immediately after the question was asked with one of his signature cackles.

"Don't worry about him," said Wally. "He's dead!" M'gann blanched and Zatanna shook her head in disbelief.

Artemis was quick enough to grab the fleeing speedster and slammed him on the ground. "What do you mean 'he's dead'?"

"Just what I said," Wally grumbled as he tried to squirm away from Artemis. She just tightened her grip, threatening to choke him. "Ouch, leave me alone!"

"Artemis, you're gonna kill him," said Zatanna, trying to pull the blonde away from Wally.

"That's the point!"

M'gann yelped. "Artemis, no! Don't kill him! I found Kaldur." Artemis kicked Wally away and the girls followed M'gann. The Martian poked Kaldur as a demonstration and Kaldur growled softly. "See, he's still alive, but he's all tied up." Kaldur mumbled something under his breath.

Artemis jabbed a finger into Kaldur's chest. "What happened to them?"

Kaldur coughed and opened his eyes. He blinked, as if he couldn't understand what was going on, and then he frowned. "I accidentally brought them caffeinated coffee and then they knocked me out. I believe they found your cookies, M'gann. They tied me up here afterwards. "

"Mutiny, eh?" Zatanna asked, hands on her hips. "This could be a problem."

"Yes," M'gann said, on the verge of tears. "If the League finds out that the boys trashed the cave, not only will the guys get killed... But so would we!"

Artemis nodded and started to untie Kaldur. "Maybe Captain Marvel can help."

"Sorry about the guys," said Kaldur, shrugging out of his bonds. "I didn't think they would be that bad if exposed to caffeine, or sugar."

"Just don't do it again," said Artemis. "We can worry about punishment later... Have you seen this place?"

* * *

**Don't ask. Whatever you do, don't ask. (Actually, ask all you want! :D)**

**Maybe another chapter? I don't know if I could write it, but if you guys ask for it I will do my best. The hardest part will be convincing Penny that NO, I'm not insane, and YES, if you don't help me write this I WILL tie you to a chair and make you listen to Ke$ha and Justin Bieber until you write. 'Nuff said.**


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